Follow the rainbow to my heartbreak...![]()
So anyone that had any type of good news on Labor Day would have had a better holiday than me. On Monday we found out that a good friend of our family was involved in an automobile accident. The van he was driving in New Mexico was literally run over by a semi truck pulling a tractor trailer. **REALLY!!! The semi went over the van!** The only consolation we have is that the medics say he was dead on impact. So we spent all day yesterday trying to find his family and a will in case he was okay when he came out and had a DNR in his will. We finally found his sister at two am this morning. Now our biggest fight is finding a copy of his will that has been signed and notorized, otherwise his computer copy that he just signed won't count as a holographic will and he will have died intestate. So we have this huge battle ahead of us for his family because they are all out of state and the testamentary procedure will take place here.
But then I have an even bigger dilema than that! For the past couple of days I have been thinking about my ex Kevin. I had a dream about him the other night and I guess that's what made me start thinking about him. But now when I close my eyes I have memories of good times we had together playing like a giant movie in my head. I hate it because it makes me miss him and want to talk with him and be with him. I have this really great guy named Sean who wants to be with me and I just keep putting him off because I can't get over Kevin and I don't want to hurt Sean by going out with him and then breaking his heart when I don't feel the same way about him. I dream that Kevin and I will get back together! It's stupid I know but I just can't see myself with anyone but Kevin. I should have my head examined is what I should do. I just remember the last day we were together and when he was kissing me it was like a sappy love movie. I see his face above me with this glow around his head from where the sun was shining on his blonde hair. I couldn't sleep last night cause everytime I closed my eyes thats what I saw!!! And when I did fall asleep I woke up later crying after a dream because I knew it wasn't real. I just don't know what to do!!! My friends say to go out with other guys and in time I will forget him, but I don't want to go out with these other guys because I don't want to hurt them because I am still in love with Kev. Like Sean...I would almost say he loves me...it's not quite there but it's really intense like...and I don't want to hurt him because he's a great friend and I am still stuck on Kevin. And I know if I went out with Sean he would see it as I am ready to move on and make my life with someone else, and I am not. My sister flipped Saturday when I told her that I was thinking of Kevin again. She said that I shouldn't even be giving him a second thought because of the way he treated me and that things he said, but with hind sight (which is always 20/20) I realize that we both had some things that we weren't willing to give on...(My deal with him always shopping at expensive stores, and his deal with me not dressing professional casual all the time.) I even think that part of it could be because I pushed too hard for him to be okay after his mothers death. Even though the rest of his family was starting to function on a daily basis, he just wasn't there yet, and I expected him to be. I just wish that now in my time of need...he was here, like I was for him in his time of need. But I know that that will never happen...